how about flaw more?

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Read time: 3 minutes

hello hey hiiii,

last week i explained how society has low-key convinced us to buy into this collective myth that our self-worth comes from being “perfect.”

this is dangerous to ourselves AND those around us.

our unrealistic self standards do not exist in a vacuum.

when we harshly judge ourselves, we’re spreading & amplifying society’s obsession with perfection.

if you’ve managed or parented or mentored anyone, you see how the mentee picks up your behaviors & beliefs. so when you demand perfection for yourself, you’re setting the example for others to do the same.

we must break this cycle.

our quirks, our flaws, & our hot messiness are what make us & our relationships, genuinely beautiful.

today we’re going to learn about the broader impacts of our perfectionism so that we can start undoing these toxic beliefs.

the triple threat

we've got these 3 perfectionist culprits running amok:

1. self-oriented perfectionism: these folks are their own toughest critics, holding themselves to sky-high standards & beating themselves up for not hitting the mark.

   • core belief: self-worth is from achievement.

   • most common struggle of my readers at 60%.

2. other-oriented perfectionism: those who are extra critical of others & hold unrealistic standards of others, often without realizing it.

   • core belief: self-worth is from admiration.

3. socially prescribed perfectionism: feeling the weight of the world, believing everyone's expecting you to be flawless. it's the state of expecting harsh judgement from others & constantly working for acceptance.

   • core belief: self-worth is from approval.

all 3 are interrelated

& all 3 are on the rise since 1989, up 10%, 16%, & 32% respectively.

this is very concerning as it means that more of us are buying into this lie that perfection is attainable, or even necessary. 😬

we’re the problem

the more we inwardly preach the perfectionist gospel, the more we’re outwardly supporting outsourcing your self-worth to others.

the core sources of self-worth for perfectionists (listed above as achievements, approval, & admiration) come from others.

so your dependency for your self-worth to come from friends, family, & coworkers encourages them to do the same as you. a dangerous, very negative feedback loop.

the energy, stress, & desires of perfection are extremely contagious.

we're all interconnected.

which is why perfectionism is not just a you problem or a me problem,

collective self-esteem

when we start seeing perfectionism as something we all struggle with (even if we don’t identify as a perfectionist), we take away its power. so much freedom in realizing we're all fighting the same battle.

plus accepting this means that we can all collectively walk away from this fight & walk towards peace whenever we want.

imagine what the world would look like if we stopped pursuing perfection?

we’d go from competition to community.

we’d speak positive encouragements more to others AND to ourselves.

we’d collectively rebuild our individual self-esteem.

i haven’t figured out quite yet how to start this group rebellion, so i’m starting with myself by working on what i can control: my own self-esteem.

i invite you to join me by practicing “the 6 pillars of self-esteem" created by leading psychotherapist, nathaniel braden.

commit to these 6 daily action based practices:

1. self-acceptance - embrace all of you, even the not-so-shiny bits.

2. personal integrity - stay true to the most authentic you.

3. living consciously - be here now, fully in this moment.

4. self-responsibility - own your actions, thoughts, & feelings.

5. self-assertiveness - be empowered to speak your truth.

6. living purposefully - set & pursue aligned goals.

these practices are proven to improve your health, happiness, & relationships.

this is solo-work

contributing to the biggest group project of our lives.

we’re all in this together.

our worth is so much more than achievements, approval, & admiration.

so let’s shift the perfectionist paradigm, from a culture of critique to a culture of compassion towards ourself & others. let's show up for each other, flaws & all, to create a world where everyone feels like they're enough.

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i bless your mess,

p.s. i’d love to know more about your self-esteem. will you answer this q?

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